Fix Your Marriage In 5 Steps
How Do You Fix Your Marriage?
So, how do you fix your marriage? Ok, so first of all, let me just say… I’m no expert, but girl, I have been there. I may not have a fancy degree hanging on my wall, but I’ve read the self-help books, done the counseling, prayed my heart out, and somehow made it to the other side. So, take this for what it’s worth, but I’ve been the one Googling divorce attorneys, and now I’m the one completely smitten with my husband. So… yeah, it’s possible.
Will these five steps magically fix your marriage? Maybe they will, maybe they won’t. But I promise you, trying them is a whole lot better than staying stuck where you are. I hate those blogs that take forever to get to the point, so let’s just dive in.
1. You are not number one. To fix your marriage you have to accept this.
Wait, what!? Hold up. Don’t come for me just yet. The more we talk, the more you’re going to hear me say this: God didn’t put us on this earth for our happiness. Let me say it louder for the people in the back: GOD DID NOT PUT YOU ON EARTH FOR YOUR OWN HAPPINESS! He put us here to grow His kingdom, and if He needs to bring us to our knees to make that happen, He will. (Sorry, tangent… I do that sometimes.)
GOD DID NOT PUT YOU ON EARTH FOR YOUR OWN HAPPINESS!
-Kinsey
For years, I thought I was the most important person in my marriage. I mean, I was taking care of the house, raising the baby, and being the perfect supportive wife. But guess what? I got resentful. I wanted it to be “my turn,” but it never came. Why? Because newsflash, sister: God is number one. Not me, not you. When you start putting Him first, everything else falls into place.
2. Stop trying to one-up each other.
Oh yeah, you know what I’m talking about. That little voice in your head that keeps score: “I was up all night with the baby—why does he get to nap?” or “I cooked dinner, so he better clean the dishes, but I’m not going to ask him because he should just KNOW.” Sound familiar? Yeah, I’ve been there too. It’s a vicious cycle, and it won’t stop until one of you decides to end it. Friend, if you want to fix your marriage, you MUST stop the cycle.
Here’s the good news: YOU can stop the cycle. Cue applause! I’m serious. The moment I decided to stop keeping score and started focusing on filling my husband’s love tank instead of draining it, things changed. It’s hard, I won’t lie. But the devil loves it when we’re stuck in this back-and-forth battle. Don’t let him win.
3. Let go of the past. You will never fix your marriage by holding on to it.
Are you sure you want to fix your marriage? Easier said than done, right? Trust me, I know. My husband and I started dating when I was 13 and he was 14. (Yes, you read that right.) We were young, dumb, and left a trail of hurt behind us. By the time we got married, there were so many scars we could’ve filled a scrapbook.
Three years in, we separated. It was ugly. We’d tried counseling, we’d “tried everything,” and it still felt hopeless. But then… something shifted. I fully turned it over to God. I realized my husband’s love tank was running on fumes, and I was the one who drained it. That realization broke me. I let go of the past—all the hurt, all the grudges—and focused on the present. And guess what? God showed up and worked a miracle in our marriage.
4. The Dry Erase Board.
Okay, don’t laugh, but this little trick saved my marriage. Things were so bad at one point that my husband barely spoke to me. So, I grabbed a dry erase board and put it on our kitchen island. Every day, I wrote him a note. Something simple like, “Thank you for taking out the trash” or “I love how you play with the kids.”
Here’s the one I used: https://amzn.to/40GXDI5
*Note this is an affiliate link and I do make a small commission if you use this link to purchase it*
The first few days, he didn’t say a word. But by day three, he asked, “Is this your new thing or something?” I told him yes—my new goal was to fill his love tank until it overflowed. Two weeks in, I came home to see that he’d erased my note and wrote one back. Y’all, my heart just about exploded.
Sometimes, we have to be strong for our partner when they can’t be. That’s what marriage is about. So, grab yourself a dry erase board and give it a shot. It’s a small step that can make a huge difference.
5. Write notes.
I know, it sounds cheesy, but hear me out. In today’s world, we’ve lost the art of personal connection, and it spills over into our marriages. My husband’s love languages are basically all five, but notes hit a lot of them. So, I started packing his lunch for work every night (even though I hate cooking) and always included a note.
Some days, it felt impossible to write something kind, especially if we’d fought. But I did it anyway. No matter what, do it anyway. It’s a simple act of love that can soften even the hardest of hearts.
Look, I know marriage is hard. It’s messy, it’s painful, and sometimes it feels hopeless. But it’s also beautiful, redemptive, and worth fighting for. If I’ve learned anything, it’s that God can take the messiest situations and turn them into something amazing. So, don’t give up, friend. Your marriage can be saved.
I’m here for you if you need someone to talk to.
Forever Your Bestie,
Kinsey